Years and years ago, I wrote out some opening lines for other people to use to get them started on their novels. Here they are again. Feel free to use them.

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As I would later learn, the old man at the bus stop was not communicating through American Sign Language, but rather was placing upon me an elaborate and horrible curse.

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“Amazing,” I said to myself, looking at my new surroundings, “somehow I’ve entered the movie and am now living in the world of Weekend at Bernie’s.”

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The only Pokemon I had yet to capture were Articuno, Snorlax, Magmar, Laserhorse, Mr. Mime, Kabutops, Missileduck, Fartpanther, and, of course, Mewtwo. I lit another cigar as I thought to myself, This is going to be a long summer.

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“The light bulb was just the first step in my plan for global conquest,” Ben Franklin’s ghost told me as he hovered over a plate of cheese sandwiches, “and I need your help to finish it.” 

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Everything could have been avoided if I had heard “Be careful what you wish for” before wishing on a shooting star that I was made of poop.

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“Stop, Goku,” said Harry Potter, “or else you’ll fall into that Death Star filled with Kryptonite.”

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 ”WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA,” said Pac-Man as he journeyed ever deeper into the Labyrinth of Ghosts. “WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA.”
-from Pac-Man: The Novelization

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As the large pink poodle licked my hand, I smiled, but inwardly I said to myself, not another big pink poodle!

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As I drove through the Farmer’s Market, I noticed that old ladies and butternut squash both make the same noise as they bounce off the hood of my car, and from this fact I ascertained one of the deeper secrets of reality.

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My name is Rockstar Frankenstein, and I am a hardcore police detective with an attitude and a gruff exterior that hides my heart of gold.