I finally got access to my Twitter archive. By request, here are my #noirfiction tweets from quite a ways back:

She was a nutty broad, with hair that was bonkers, and legs that just didn’t make any sense at all #noirfiction

She had a pair of legs that wouldn’t quit, no matter how politely you asked #noirfiction

She was the kind of dame where you couldn’t wait for her to leave so you could write about her on your blog #noirfiction

It was a dark and stormy…. DAY #noirfictiontwists

Her legs only went halfway up and then there was just an inescapable shrieking void, like all women #noirfictiontwists #noirbydavesim

She had legs that went all the way up, and so did the rest of her. “Get back down here,” I said. She looked at me and said “No” #noirfiction

She had a nice set of legs, and then a second, less-nice set she’d found in her foyer. That’s why she came to me. #noirfiction

Her legs were like a metaphor, and the imagery they brought to mind was extreme evocative #noirfiction

She had a body like a poem, and a face like a limerick #noirfiction

She was a real classy broad: top hat, monocle, tuxedo, twirled mustache… oh wait #noirfiction

Normally a dame like this would put me on every edge I had, but nectarines were in season and I had an entire bag. #noirfiction

She had a torso and then two weird lower limbs sticking out of the bottom of it. What were those things #noirfiction

I never cared for conversation, so I let my gun do the talking. Problem was, he was shy too #noirfiction

It’s a dirty job in a dirty city, but I’m not the cleanest guy so that’s fine by me. The name’s Paul Blart… Mall Cop. #noirfiction #blart

He had a face like a stack of pancakes and whenever he talked he sprayed butter and syrup everywhere #noirfiction

She stormed into my office like a hurricane, swinging her arms around and knocking over all my things. “Hey,” I said. #noirfiction

She had a face like this :) and a pair of legs to match < #noirfiction

She had a nice face. It was pretty. She was in my office. I was a detective! It was my first day of being a detective. #noirfiction

She had a pair of legs that ended in rollerskates and the kind of body that could stay upright #noirfiction

She had a face like a zen koan: thought-provoking but impossible to figure out #noirfiction